needed an update [27 May 2006|10:50pm] [ mood | touched ] [ music | take my hand- shawn mcdonald ] Right now I feel kinda weird because im sad but happy?... Im missing some people, actually two in particular: jon and laura. they are both gone till monday and Im all bored without them. But I also feel so good right now. And for no reason. Im listening to the song from kristens myspace and its so pretty.  I know it sounds all corny and stuff but its making me feel really good. and im actually forgetting about stuff that is kinda making me mad or frustrated or stressed right now. its great. and kristen told me they played it on the cairos retreat and i love it. i cant wait till i get to go to cairos! I FEEL GREAT! last night was girls night for kristens birthday celebration. we went out to eat at bj's all dressed up in homecoming dresses with our hair done and makeup, high heels, and the whole shabang. then we went skating at polar ice and even though i sucked, i really liked it and i loved being cold. and we wore our matching brunette quartett stuff! <3 then we went to her house and ate tons of food and watched thats so raven and crashed on the couches.  then this morning we woke up and ate muffins and made smoothies and watched sisterhood of the traveling pants. i cried sooo much. i probably could have filled up a whole cup and then drank it. wait....ew. So yeah, I feel pretty good even though I did really bad on all my finals. Im going to a cabin tomorrow with aub just for the night and it should be fun. k byeeeee 3 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

[26 May 2006|12:52pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | meg and dia- monster ] schools over. 1 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

at school [15 May 2006|12:26pm] [ mood | sexy ] [ music | kristen talking ] Im in Spanish right now and its pretty boring. its so weird without the seniors, it sucks now i cant stare at any hot people like joe knebs or mike harty and the parking lot is literally empty last year i didnt think it was a big deal that the seniors were leaving because i didnt know any of them, but now that i know them and are friends with some of them its really sad. The seniors next year are going to suck. oh welllllllll what canya do jons sick :( i hope he gets better lunch is soon so i gotta go finish my tarea... k byeeeeeee 4 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

things happening... [03 May 2006|12:32am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Marvelous things- eisley ] So things are getting all drama-y and its so gay. but whatever Im trying my best to ignore it cause I dont want to waste the little bit of my sophomore year that I have left. I already did that earlier, and Im not going to let it happen again. So what happened was: I got accused of leading two guys on, got called a slut, lost two friends because of rumors involved with it, and one guy is still trying to justify that he is right about what he said. Gosh dont you just love school? But I dont care about any of that because me and Laura are happy being bff boos with jon and luke. They are amazing, and I cant believe it took me this long to actually talk to jon and hang out with him. Oh, I got confirmed today and it was super awesome. I felt all holy spirit-y hahaha and my nina lucy cried. awww i love her. It was cool too because as soon as I turned around after getting gross oil on my head, I caught eyes with Mike who was sitting down and we both gave eachother the hugest smile, then he did it to me when he turned around. haha it was funny. So lifeguarding is cool. Ive been going to lame orientations that are supppper long and boring but I dont care cause we get paid. yay! Im so excited to start, but Im actually really scared too. I keep having nightmares that Im that one lifeguard that doesnt see the drowning kid, or the one whos never gonna pass her 500 lol Oh well I guess it doesnt matter since I got a super hot rash guard that says lifeguard on it with a huge red cross on the back. Ive always wanted one of those. Lets see.....other stuff....... School is coming to an end soon, looking forward to working out this summer, regionals are this weekend, and most importantly: THE AVP IS COMING TO TEMPE THIS WEEKEND! GO GET TICKETS NOW AND YOU BETTER BE THERE!!!! I cant wait to see Misty May and Kerri Walsh and almost faint out of excitement. My idols... In conclusion, some people are babies, some are just plain rude, some need to get their facts straight, some need to learn how to be a real friend, and some are just plain perfect already so they just gotta stay the same. Hope it all works out, and for the person who called me the CKC slut: um i hope you trip on a rock and break your leg or something. k bye 3 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

YaY [21 Apr 2006|08:29pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | fidelity- regina spektor ] Today was the best day I've had in a looong time. It was field day and was expected to be totally lame since it was at Seton this year instead of somewhere else. It was sooo fun though. There was like so much to do on the field and it was so fun! And we got to wear comfortable clothes. So I did this one bungee thing with Amanda and Kristen and it was really funny but I scraped up my arm pretty bad on it and Senor the spanish teacher gave me like a buncha bandaids and iodine and weird stuff haha it was so funny. he was all acting like he knew what he was doing. then i was complaining to rich and tori how i dont have a boo. so they said they would find me one and they came up with andrew bellis. omg yum, i never would have thought. that went very very well haha anywayz, we ate free food, had tons of fun, then me and tor went to joes house with matt klam, mike, joe and jon. we ate food then went to the park and acted all gay and stuff. yay then me and tor were really hot so we stole their bike and ran back to joes and jumped in the pool. very fun indeed. then went to my cousins so they could do tori's hair and makeup for prom! luckkkyy. she came out sooo cute. i was definitley so jealous. and yvette did aubs makeup too real quick. so im sitting here at my cousins now and for some reason im having the best day ever. probably because its been so fun and when we were doing toris hair and makeup we were having the best time. gosh it was great. oh and as for that issue that has been bothering me for a while, i found out what this person truley thinks, and i really dont give a crap. it feels so good to let go of that yayyyyyy!!! i keep listening to this song over and over and im obsessed with it and i even stole it from melindas myspace haha greatt dayyyyyyyyyyyy x10 hope i stay like this <3 3 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

sorry gav [18 Apr 2006|09:08pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | nothing ] Im sorry gavin, but this isnt a happy post like you wanted. I feel like everything is going against me right now, and Im stressed and sad beyond belief. *moms sad *can't afford bills or anything anymore *we are barely making it in our tiny little house those are the serious ones and as for all the little things: *three tests tomorrow *vball practices going horrible *huge project due wed *lifeguard job is killing me *a buncha other stuff too I hope it gets better because too much of this and Im going to crack. I came home tonight after a horrible practice and laid on my moms lap and cried with her. I feel like I have nothing better to do these days and there are too many things bothering me. I personally don't think its fair, because I already feel like Im at my lowest point, so why should I be pushed any further. And on top of all that, theres this one issue that I cant get out of my head and this particular thing makes me not sleep at night and its the first thing I think about in the morning, and what makes me not concentrate in school. Whatev. k bye 2 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

your gayyy [16 Apr 2006|01:06am] [ mood | hot ] [ music | some violin stuff... ] "someday karma will come back to them and get them sooo bad. they are probably gonna be bald by the age of twenty or i bet their penis' will shrivel up and fall off or something horrible like that. oh and then they will get a huge rash and not be able to have sex and then can only jack off but it hurts the warts on their penis so bad that they can barely do it. and they cry because of their life of shame and their penis'" haha yeah. that will happen, you just watch. lol (as for YOU, dont assume its all about you anymore, because contrary to what you think, not everything is about you) mmmm hmmm 4 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

yup [15 Apr 2006|12:21pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | beautiful love- the afters ] Im pretty sure I definitley hate you. so go die. i had the best night ever last night with laura, anna, ali, matt klam, adam, and vinny and luke were there too kinda? but it was really fun. matt driving was pretty scary and laura almost died like six times but shes okay now haha. and then at dennys they gave us annas dinosaur chicken nuggets but they forgot that they did so they gave us another one lol. looosers. there was a lot more but im not really in the mood to talk about it since someone is kind of ruining my life right now. but me and laura are at anna house and anna and ali arent even here, its kind of weird but funny. we've just been laying around all day doing nothing in annas house... ugh i wish people werent stupid liars. then the world would be great probably. or not, because this one person would still be a jerk since he cant help it. k bye 2-way Alicia

revelation [10 Apr 2006|05:04pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | imogen heap- hide and seek ] mmkay so laura is reading me her blue book on the phone. we are both doubting ourselves and we both had a horrible day today. so in the book it says that you have to let go of emotional baggage, relax, and try to find some of the amazing discoveries the world offers. sooo i can honestly say that i think im starting to let go of that whole situation because i dont need it anymore. i gave way too much of myself, and tried soo hard, but i give up now, and im fine with that. And the relaxing part, im just gonna stop crying and get the things done that need to be done: like this english project I have been putting off so i can cry. and as for finding lifes amazing discoveries: im gonna let him come to me. its so dumb when people take high school relationships way too seriously. its so dumb because its not like your getting married. i think it should be about having fun, making eachother happy, hanging out and doing fun stuff together WHEN YOU CAN...(*coughcough*), holding hands, kissing all cute, and just doing the little things. its not like you gotta make it a big deal and get all weird about it. all guys are being really weird lately. but i dont care, and im not gonna waste my time trying to get my revenge because im bigger than that. wow i feel really good right now because i finally said that. *sigh* mmkay well i better go finish my homework and talk to my lo-baby on the phone. k bye 3 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

[09 Apr 2006|06:38pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | sia- breathe me ] Hoping for the best. 2-way Alicia

hmm 2006 eh? [05 Apr 2006|12:13pm] [ mood | i have no idea ] [ music | something that eliana has playing on her comp ] So I have decided that 2006 is the worst thing to ever happen to me. Ever since January I have been all depressed and blah blah. the uge. yeah so maybe it will start getting better i hope? hahah yeah right. oh and last night me and laura were talking on the phone and were pretty much crying to eachother because we decided that kristin nicastro has the perfect life and we want it and its not fair. seriously, we analyzed everything about it and we cant find one thing wrong and everything is so great for her and she is happy all the time and has fun with her friends and all that cool stuff. Why kristins life is perfect: -shes soo pretty -she has the cutest and most perfect boyfriend and they are so cute and all in love and stuff -she has perfect hair and perfect body -she has loads of confidence, and is one of the sweetest people on this earth -she has a cool young mom that she can talk to about anything -she has perfect grades -while still managing to go out and have fun on the weekends -shes rich and loves her life -her and her bff emily are like the cutest bffs i have ever seen -she actually has boobs (theres absolutely no hope for me) -she got to meet seth and ryan from the OC -and everything else i cant think of right now. -she drives all the best to you kristin, i love you and your an awesome person and you definitley deserve the great life that you have because you are so nice and amazing. so i love you :) anywayz... im at school and im wearing gay uniform pants with argile socks and tennis shoes and a greasy ponytail and no makeup and my face is nasty from crying. so i figured that i kinda look like a weird grandma or something lol BUT! vince finally gave me that picture of shane with his shirt off that he has been promising and it made me feel really good. its like the most perfect picture ever because hes like looking down all dramatically and theres like pretty clouds and palm trees and vball nets up in the background. it sounds gay but god it is great. amanda is complaining about her skin even though i just looked at it and dyed inside because its perfect. i dont know what she sees, but all i can say is that its gorgeous. and to YOU: i hope we are still best friends because i think we should go back to the way we were. and you know you can tell me anything. lets seriously just be bffs who go through life together and then look back on it and be glad that we had eachother. alright wellt that was fun. byeeeeee 4 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

fudggggggeee [02 Apr 2006|09:45pm] [ mood | i hate my life ] [ music | greys anatomy ] you know what....i change my mind on this one: 2. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, but sometimes you need to stay out of my business. Half the time you dont know the full situation and you assume that its all one persons fault. I mean i love that you defend me and im not gonna lie when i see that you do it makes me happy to know that you will always be there for me. but i wanna tell you that its mostly my fault and then i end up feeling guilty that you did defend me i was wrong about it once again. your always right but i never wanna see it. but i cant take this anymore. your right about everything you ever said. i shouldnt be treated like this, and im not even the same diandra anymore. someone should change me for the better, not for the worse. i love you and thank you. you know im here for you too. 2 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

i stole this from one of robins old entries [02 Apr 2006|11:11am] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | somebody more like you- nickel creek ] - list 10 things you want to say to people but know you never will. - don't say who they are. alright well here it goes: 1. I constantly wish i was you. Fun like you, cool like you, pretty like you, everything that you are. We barely even know eachother but I dont care. I always wonder why i cant be like you and hang out with the people you hang out with and it kills me! i guess i will always wish i was you 2. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, but sometimes you need to stay out of my business. Half the time you dont know the full situation and you assume that its all one persons fault. I mean i love that you defend me and im not gonna lie when i see that you do it makes me happy to know that you will always be there for me. but i wanna tell you that its mostly my fault and then i end up feeling guilty that you did defend me 3. Ever since our retreat group together, I've wished i loved God like you. you are such an amazing beautiful person, with so much love and a huge heart. you seriously inspire me to be a better person. I've never met anyone else like you and i hope that one day you change the world because i know your capable of it. 4. Your friendship doesnt mean that much to me anymore. All you care about now is your precious money and your boyfriend. i mean i have no problem with you liking your boyfriend, but dont we always say that friends are first? and by all means hang out with him, but dont ditch us in the process. And enough with the 8 million pairs of coach shoes, we all know you have money. maybe donate it next time eh? oh and you dont know this but we're all fed up with you and sick of you not acting the same. sorry, but thats what its come to. 5. I love you, but i never want to be like you. and i appreciate all that you give or have given me in my life, but its not all about material things anymore. 6. I wish you could realize what i actually want out of you. its far from what you think. how come we cant just be like we used to? that was so much fun and it was pure and innocent and so cute and happy and now your different. sometimes i even feel like i cant tell you what im really thinking cause it will just backfire in my face. i mean, it has happened before you know. 7. i want to be close with you again. but your not the same person. you have new friends, new ideas, new morals i guess you could say, and dropped some of the important things in your life that you used to care alot about. i know your not dumb, so prove everyone wrong and become something more. lifes not just a party all the time 8. becoming your friend was one of the best things thats ever happened to me. i cherish your friendship so much and i would never do anything to hurt you, and i know you would never do that to me either. you me and the other person i cant mention are going to be friends forever through everything because thats just how we are. we naturally mix well with eachother and we understand how one another is feeling. i love that you listen to me and never judge and feel the same way about things as i do. you always seem to know exactly what im thinking cuz it happens to you too. oh and your unbelievably caring and sweet. 9. One of the worst things in the world is seeing you cry. You should have never believed him because all of us were fine without him. but i understand you completely, and me and all the ones around you who love you will get you through this 10. you annoy the crap out of me all the time now. but whatever i have so much more to say....maybe ill just like do another one of these things another day. i bet you will never figure out who those are to. mmkay bye 1 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

another one... [31 Mar 2006|08:25pm] [ mood | stupid ] [ music | imogen heap- hide and seek ] i was gonna sit here and tell you how much i hate myself and my life right now because of a certain person, but i think ill save it. i mean its always the same thing anywayz. just know that YOU hurt me. and thats all im gonna say. i was having a good day earlier though. im trying so hard not to be a jealous person and so when someone i like alot told me that they were gonna take a friend to prom, i would usually get really jealous and bitchy even though its just a friend and i would usually cry even though there is no reason to. but i really didnt mind, and i felt so good when i told him that and i was being so supportive which isnt me. and after i told him i just like smiled all day at school. and as lame as it sounds, i told tori that i felt like i was getting one step closer to being who i wanna be inside. corny i know, but i really felt soo good today. i cant even describe it and i wish i could feel like that everyday. too bad it was ruined again. im so thankful for my friends though, you know, the true friends? gosh amanda what would i do without you? you listened to all that crap i was saying and invite me over when i really need a friend. love you. cant wait to hang out with jon and kevin yay i guess ill go wash all my tears off now and put some clothes on. im off to amandas k bye. 3 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

[21 Feb 2006|07:21pm] [ mood | sick of crying ] holy crap. i've had enough. after everything, after knowing you, and thinking that you would be the one to understand. everything is messed up again. i dont get it, i really really really dont get it. i wish i did. i mean, i bet it would be alot easier if i understood what i was crying over everynight. i hate crying and its making me sick. i dont wanna do it anymore. i cant believe that you would be that insensitive and such a jerk. wow you've shown me what you really are. and you thought i was being stupid? when i was trying to fix things and tell you what i thought all you had to say was: if you leave, ill never talk to you again, i swear. last time i checked best friends never say that. you said that no matter what, through thick and thin that we would stay best friends. i guess just cuz you go to a better school now and have better friends and a new girl then its perfectly okay to hurt the one girl you are supposed to care about above all others. or at least thats what i thought. i seriously dont know why i even talk to you sometimes. you are so different and i wish you could see it. you think im being dumb or stupid because im sad now. im sad all the time, if you were a real friend you would maybe help talk me through it or perhaps get used to it, instead of just bringing me down because of it. never in my entire life have i shed so many tears over one person. congratulations. what else am i supposed to say? this is how you make me feel. its really gay because your supposed to be the one that makes me feel better. lately i have been sleep deprived, not eating as much, crying every night, and extremely sad. it helps when my mom gives me her huge hugs and stuff but sometimes thats not enough. i always try to talk it out, but all you tell me is that im being stupid, but i was just being serious. i hope your actually reading all of this cuz i want you to know what im thinking and how im feeling. my grades are even dropping because im so sad and i sit here on the computer or the phone and try to work it out with you but end up crying and next thing i know 3 hours has passed and i didnt even start my homework. theres so much stuff i want to say but i cant even think right now cuz im so sad. im crying so bad that its really hard for me to type this and i have to keep wiping my eyes because they are getting all blury with water so i cant even see what im writing. dont tell me that everything you do for me makes me sad. thats not true. and your supposed to believe me when i say that, not try to make it into something else. now i usually only write in this when someone hurts me, pretty convenient right? i always try to be like we used to but its not working. so i dont know maybe its not just me. i really dont know what else to say. 5 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

armpit hair [30 Jan 2006|06:11pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | i would walk 5000 miles ] hey umm this is joe, i am cool, deej is over right now, she is one heck of a friend. I like peaches. i like bacon. Someday i wanna kiss someone in outer space. because then it would be cool. this one time deej put on all my b-balll clothes and started singing some song and dacning around, shes one good looking gal. I like bacon. THE END 2-way Alicia

[24 Jan 2006|05:40pm] [ mood | sick of this ] wow its so hard to stay happy. people have changed so much, so much that they dont even see it. and i try to tell them and i wish so bad that they could see it. gosh i miss old times. none of this was ever a problem i guess im a rude person and thats all that some people are ever gonna see outta me anymore. i dont even knwo what to do. friends are a huge part of me, and yes i am protective of them, very very protective. im not going to hand them away to just anyone. and no its not possessive so i dont know why you would say that. you make me so sad, and cry, even when im happy and i feel like nothing can bring me to tears again. like i said, i guess i have to try to build my confidence up all over again. i wish you could just love me again and maybe im the only one who thinks that can happen again, but im trying to have hope these days, i dont want to be that person who is always sad and sulking cuz its not good for a person to be sad all the time but thats definitley how i feel. i guess im just so sad that all i can handle is one day of happiness. thats really really sucks. ok for reals this time: im not gonna bother you with my rudeness anymore. i wont call, i wont talk. if you want to talk to me then go ahead cuz i try soo hard. i cant even tell you how hard i try. im so sick of being stressed. im so stressed out about this whole situation between me and you that its literally making me tired, physically and emotional and mentally. i cant take it anymore. i guess you can have your opinions of me: which is that im rude, because you are definitley entitles to that opinion. but please dont just disregard mine because i can trace my facts back to the very day and the first thing you said that made me realize that you didnt feel the same about me. thats all i guess. bye 2 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

[22 Jan 2006|04:00pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | plain white t's - hey delilah ] well hey there. i dont really like writing in this thing but oh well. if i have one i should probably use it right? so things have been extrememly weird and awkward, but really good at the same time. i dont even know how that makes sense but its how it feels. everyone is like acting kinda weird i guess you could say. but whatever. its kinda like people are starting to forget about me or not even like me at all anymore. ill call people but they never answer, and then ill message them and they wont do it back. and ill try to hang out with someone for a long time but then all the sudden they have no time at all for me. I guess sometimes friends move on maybe? when your in kindergarten and you tell your friend that you wanna be best friends forever, it rarely happens. or perhaps someones ego might be getting to big for their own good. *cough cough* lol i have some great great amazing friends right now but one in particular that i want to mention is joe. me and him have been inseparable lately and its so cool. like he is a really good friend and i tell him like EVERYTHING about my life and he always come over and im always over there. we pretty much just eat everything at eachothers houses. hes proving to me that hes more than i thought he was in the beginning. thanks joe <3 oh oh! and im very happy that tori and sam are finally going out! yaaaaaayy they are so cute together! i love you tori <3 but anywayz, i dont care about the people who are making me sad right now cuz i have a new plan: the other day when me and laura were in body sculpting we were talking about how we should stop being jealous people who are mad all the time because we arent as pretty or as cool as someone else. i mean whats wrong with the life that we have right now?...NOTHING. i mean at least im not like living on the streets so i should be thankful for what i have. so im gonna try to start building my confidence back up after some people tore it down, and then im gonna be happy! :) like school isnt even bad anymore like it was last year and im doing fine and im healthy and blah blah blah so yeah i have nothing to worry about i guess. oh and im gonna laugh as much as possible. there is even a new someone that im quite fond of. but everyone already knows who that is: so i wont say any names. and its going very very well, and its making very happy so theres another reason to stop hating my life haha. the seton 'casual' dance is on jan. 27 and its in the cafeteria...ew. im probably gonna pay five bucks to go and be the only one there haha. ok well im gonna go get ready for church now. k bye! ps- thanks to anyone who actually read that, your my hero :) 4 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

[31 Dec 2005|05:29pm] [ mood | blah ] so uh christmas was really cool. i got some good stuff. i finally got a new computer because i havent had one in like a million years. i never update this. and im bored and watching a degrassi marathon. the only reason im updating this is because of matt. he wont update his so maybe if i update mine for him to read, then he will update his for me to read. anywayz, today is new years eve and i have absolutely no plans and ill be all alone i bet, as usual. um last night was probably one of the best nights of my life! me kristen amanda and aubs had our meeting and we did like a ton of fun stuff lol. all i can say is: flaming crotch froot of the loom underwear retard hair war paint puppy chow junk food no sleep mooovies warren peace romeo and juliet myspace pictures oochaga ceremonial fire lol and so much more... yay BRUNETTE QUARTETT!!! i wanna do something really cool tonight even though im not gonna. i wish i was still in vegas because that was so much fun. oh in case you didnt know, i went to vegas for some volleyball tournaments and it was sooo much fun. me and tori took the most rediculous picture of us like jumping off the bed and stuff and yeah i dont know... ahhh, kids... well yeah im going to go now cuz i have to shower cuz guess what! im going to chris flores' house so i guess i have something to do tonight. k bye 1 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

you know who you are [06 Oct 2005|10:41am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | none ] Sometimes people are really retarted and if you try to tell them something then they twist all your words around so you sound like the bad guy when really, you didnt even do anything in the first place. Everyone just needs to chill out, and stop freaking out, and get a life, because at this point, its making me start to freak out. If you know something is stupid, then dont do it, its as simple as that. come on people seriously! You know i care so dont try to act like i dont. and no i wasnt trying to tell you that your interrupting my normal life because your not. and we do talk about stuff, actually we talk about everything. so i dont know why you asked me why i didnt tell you stuff. maybe its because im not hiding anything from you. your the one who goes and spills out everything you wanna say to my best friend and i never get to know about it. i dont think thats fair at all but whatever. just dont twist my words around because im not mad, and i do care. k bye 3 said hells yeah 2-way Alicia

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